We were walking into the hardware store tonight / joking with each other, poking those buttons we each have and laughing about it…we were having fun…and then Aidan cut off his laugh and focused and said “Man…I love our family”
And my heart burst from my chest. I felt like a hero – I imagine Jeff felt the same way!
One of the best moments of my life – right there!
So from me to you…
1. Vaccines do not cause Autism. Stop asking me if I regret vaccinating my son. He was different from the second he was born. Different…not bad. And it had nothing to do with the life changing and life saving blessings that vaccines offer.
2. I don’t want a cure – and neither does he – suggesting it implies there is something wrong – something that needs to be fixed – in our eyes – suggesting he needs to be fixed makes us feel bad for YOU and we wonder if YOU could be fixed
Just sayin’
Since you like the book so much I was wondering if you would be interested in a real life experience I had today…
So i have been out of town for a few days – I left Monday morning early before Aidan woke up and then I was supposed to be home Thursday night and Aidan was going to wait up for me but my flight got delayed and I didn’t make it home until after noon the next day….
When Aidan was brought home by his Grandaddy he hugged me and wouldn’t let me go. He is – kind of Ok with touch with just a few people – me, his father and then it decreases significantly with what he will tolerate. He is most comfortable with his best friend James followed by his grandparents and even then he will only allow a fist bump instead of a hug.
But when we saw each other we stood hugging for a few minutes. And then he pulled back and I knew it was a lot so of course I understood and he went to read his book (he LOVES to read like no one I have ever known). I had just enough time to setup my computers and get back to work when he walked into my office and climbed in my lap and wrapped his arms around my neck. I knew what he needed so I held him tightly and rocked – I have rocking chairs all over the house for him – just in case.
He let me hold him for close to 15 minutes. I couldn’t control it – I feel weak for it but he comes by all this pretty naturally if you get my meaning. And I cried. I was so happy to be right there in that moment with him allowing me to hold and comfort him.
I had tried to hold it back but I had tears streaming down my face I was so happy and I had truly missed him so much.
He looked up at me and touched my tear tracks.
A: You are leaking
M: <soft smile>
A: But you are happy
M: Yes, I am so happy right now. How do you know.
A: Your eyes are soft and alive and your face isn’t tense.
< he signed deeply and I could see him choosing his words>
A: I do not understand. I do not understand how you can leak and feel happy at the same time.
M: You always make me happy. Sometimes my happiness is so powerful that I don’t know how to process it and sometimes I leak when I am that happy. Leaking doesn’t always mean you are sad….sometimes you leak because you feel so much, so strongly that it has to come out in some way.
A: I like making you happy. I think I might like making you so happy you leak.
M: I like it too baby. I like it too.
The whole time he was softly wiping away my tears.
And I kissed his head and he smiled at me like I have never seen before and then he stiffened and jumped off my lap.
A: I am going to read. I like to make you happy but I feel strongly right now. I need to go read.
He got as far as the door to my office…
A: I am so happy you are home. I love you.
M: I love you to baby.
So this is going around and since I helped a friends Mom gang up on him to answer the questions I thought it was appropriate that I let my own son, 11, take a shot at me also….here your go…
WITHOUT ANY prompting, ask your child these questions and write down EXACTLY what they say. It is a great way to find out what they really think. When you re-post put your Child’s age.
1. What is something mom always says to you?
mmmm, gotta give this some thought. ok. i would say the most common thing she says to me is I love you.
2. What makes mom happy?
it depends on the mood she is already in
3. What makes mom sad?
it depnends on your mood again. if you are already happy then it is really hard to make you sad
4. How does your mom make you laugh?
badgerbalm, zboot and butt-dial
5. What was your mom like as a child?
i haven’t heard a lot of stories so it is hard to say but i would say that you would be nice. you are very nice now and it doesn’t matter the situation, you are very nice so i suspect you were really nice early on.
6. How old is your mom?
40
7. How tall is your mom?
i don’t know that
8. What is her favorite thing to do?
tricky cause you like to do a lot of things, once again it really depends on your mood
9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
oh this is easy, generally when i am not around you are working. if it is on the weekend or after work then you are reading a book, playing a game or researching an imminent trip on the internet
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
for being smart, you would probably win at trivia
11. What is your mom really good at?
coding
12. What is your mom not very good at?
your worst point which isn’t even really bad is not remembering where something is
13. What does your mom do for a job?
software technician
14. What is your mom’s favorite food?
currently? fish
15. What makes you proud of your mom?
the fact that she loves being outdoors but she is also really good at computers and likes to read. i am proud you have such a variety of talents and interests
16. If your mom were a character, who would she be?
velma from scooby-doo
17. What do you and your mom do together?
we do a lot of things together. let me at least give one example, sometimes we watch a movies together
18. How are you and your mom the same?
we both like to read and we both can code, I can a bit but i am not as good as her. we both like doing wildlife photography. we both like the game 2048. there are more things…there are a lot of things
19. How are you and your mom different?
my mom doesn’t like to create stuff – when playing with legos, she likes to follow the instructions while I like to make my own things
20. How do you know your mom loves you?
well she is nice to me, she…likes to help me if i am having trouble with something, she likes to spend time with me
21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
this could be tough, lets see….probably that my dad can take her punches
22. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
mind if i give a couple of examples? mexican restaurant. you really, really enjoyed Yellowstone and you were very enthusiastic about the Nantahala Outdoor Center. so those are three examples
23. How old was your Mom when you were born?
wait, let me do the math, hold on…29
There are a lot of stories about Autistic children who wander…away. And it is serious and dangerous.
I didn’t realize at the time – even when he was diagnosed – how lucky we have been – how lucky we are.
I think back to those early years where I would notice that it seemed like he was 100% engrossed in a movie or book but he never left my side – walked just behind but always close – he still does it today.
I didn’t understand – so one day I just was wandering around because it finally struck me what he was doing and for just a minute… I was curious so I wandered in predictable circles – always watching – not understanding how he could be simultaneously so engrossed in something and so in tune with me. He never bumps into us – he never falters –
He is always right there a half step behind. So…back to my test…my boy – he put up with it for about 30 seconds and then stopped – I turned to look at him and he sighed and shook his head…
Are you done? He queried.
And I dropped right there to my knees so we would be on the same level and apologized.
He was 4.
He has – every second of his life been an amazing person. I wouldn’t do the things I do today if I didn’t have him! HE makes me wanna be stronger, better, worthy of his love.
I guess I just went all THAT mom again but I’m sitting here watching his dreams streak across his peaceful face and I can’t help but feel so happy…
So blessed…
To be right here in this moment
So yep I am gonna be THAT mom for a minute. Aidan went into 5th grade reading at a 8th grade level – he was the first child in at least the last 8 years to score a perfect 100% on all his AR tests. His evaluation at the end of the year…has him testing at a college freshmen level.
You can all stop wondering why I am always so stressed out – I am personally probably still reading at that 8th grade level! I can’t keep up!
Aidan was young – maybe 2 when he ran a finger along one of my stretch marks.
What is this he queried. And I explained that as he grew stronger and bigger within me that my body had to stretch to accommodate his life.
And he looked at me – and if I didn’t already think he was different I knew in this moment…
Aidan: These are beautiful. Do you think they are?
Me: Yes.
The one thing I would never change about my body is the evidence that I carried this beautiful soul into the world.
I cried happy tears that night.
I have so many gifts – one of them is the marks I will live with for the rest of my life.
Aidan was telling me a line from one of his stories which ended in someone saying that a person has the personality of a eggplant. I laughed appropriately and after a moment I said well that’s not nice – insulting eggplants like that.
Aidan scowled at me. No – the insult was for the boy. You can’t insult an eggplant. Do you need me to explain it.?.? See an eggplant doesn’t, can’t have a personality.
Me: You’re right, I don’t know what I was thinking.
About five minutes later he was still chewing on it and finally he narrowed his eyes at me – Oh I see what you did there. That wasn’t even a little bit funny.
Sigh.
I picked up my son without warning for a dentist appointment. He was not amused – based in the scowl on his face and the verbal lashing which ensued…
Him: You picked me up early. 30 minutes early. You realize how much learning I missed out on by this premature departure?
Me: I am guessing 30 minutes but only because you are being dramatic. 5 minutes packing your bag and 20 minutes in the play ground leaves you – at most – 5 minutes of lost knowledge – even I can make up for 5 minutes.
He squinted at me…
Him: Nice use of sarcasm to distract me.
I squinted in return…
Me: You shouldn’t give me that much credit – sarcasm is my default.
Sigh
Him: it was better when I thought it was planned you know.
Realizing your child is both smarter AND emotionally more mature than you…really sad…and not at all priceless.
And I kept it together until I walked into work this morning and Dan asked me about my morning and I just said “I forgot Aidan’s hat” and the look on his face with a soft “Oh” was all it took – I burst into tears.
Note: Dan didn’t make me cry – his understanding touched my heart!!