New Doctor Warning

Girls all around will agree that meeting a new Gynecologist is stressful but apparently having a mild breakdown during your first visit helps tons.

So I am sitting on the exam table and I don’t know if it is because I have something my mind is working through that I am not ready to be aware of, or if I my minding is chewing on something and I am not ready to accept it yet or if it is because my son had a bad morning leaving me a bit frazzled.

But whatever it is/was, my quirks were real close to the surface.

The walls of all of the exam rooms have whimsical paintings and I don’t normally pay much attention to them but this one was really throwing me into a fit.

The base looked like it should be a tree but the limbs looked more like many vines all wound together. The leaves looked like something you would see on a fern and there were large clusters of berries hanging from various places.

There were 161 leaves and 131 berries spread out over 7 clusters. Odd numbers abound and I am getting increasingly agitated the longer I sit and stare at the piece.

I am particularly troubled by the leaf to berry ratio.

I basically went from kicking around in the shallows to treading water in the deep end pretty quickly.

By the time the doctor arrives my foot is swinging, my fingers are drumming on my knee and I am rocking back and forth.

Apparently he said my name multiple times before I responded and as I tore my eyes away from the offensive wall and look at him with his outstretched hand I lost all social graces and any sense of normalcy.

Instead of shaking his hand and introducing myself I looked at him and said, “I don’t like your wall.”

One of his perfectly shaped eyebrows popped up and my eyes darted back to the wall, my nose scrunched up in obvious distaste and I met his eyes again and said “At all.”

He brought his hand up to his mouth and he was clearly trying to hide a smile – I say clearly because seconds later he burst out laughing.

I really didn’t think it was that funny – at the time. And I am almost positive you aren’t supposed to laugh at people who are clearly struggling to tread water in the deep end of the pool.

Me: The leaf to berry ratio is troubling. 161 leaves and 131 berries.

He turned to face the wall and then panned slowly around the room.

Doctor: 210 leaves.
Me: No. 161.
Doctor: There are 49 leaves over on this wall.
Me: Those don’t count. They are a different type of leaf entirely and the limb over there isn’t in any way connected to the “thing” over there.
Doctor: I see.

And then I got my shit together.

Me: I’m Myla. It is nice to meet you.
Doctor: Like wise.

Then he paused and considered me for a moment.

Doctor: Fortunately you won’t spend a lot of time looking at the wall…

And that is when the nurse burst out laughing.

Doctor: Shall we begin?

And, well, I laughed also because beginning meant – you know – lying back and I found myself staring at a blessedly plain ceiling.

And right there – in the midst of my mini meltdown I managed to bond with my new doctor.

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